What I Learned About Life and Death Through Near Death Experiences
I didn’t expect listening to near-death experiences to help me move through grief. But they did, and they changed how I see life, death, and love forever.
Divine Timing
About a month before my mum passed away, unbeknownst to me that she was in her final days, I started listening to interviews with people who had survived death and experienced what’s called a Near Death Experience (NDE).
I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe these podcast episodes appeared in my life in divine timing.
Stories from the Other Side
The stories that touched me most were those of Elizabeth Krohn, who was struck by lightning and shown complex theories about time and space on the other side; Anita Moorjani (part 2), who completely healed from terminal cancer and was shown how her selflessness and constant need to please others had contributed to her illness; and Betty Guadagno (part 2), also known as “Buddha Betty,” who overdosed and was shown her pre-birth plan.
All of their interviews are available on Mayim Bialik’s Breakdown podcast, and each one left a deep imprint on me in its own way.
Their stories are truly mind-blowing, and there are many more like them on YouTube channels such as Coming Home and Anthony Chene Productions.
The Common Threads
What I find most fascinating about these stories is that while each experience is unique, there are several common themes: travelling through a tunnel, having a life review, experiencing non-judgement and unconditional love, meeting loved ones who have already crossed over, meeting God, and feeling a profound sense of coming home.
Anita Moorjani described crossing over as waking up from a bad dream, realizing that life on Earth was just the dream, and that this other realm was the real reality.
What It’s Teaching Me About Grief
Listening to these stories has brought me a lot of comfort. They’ve reminded me that life doesn’t end when the body does. That love continues, that our souls have purpose, and that maybe we choose more of our paths than we realize.
When I miss my mum, I think about those who came back from the other side saying they felt home. It helps me trust that she’s home too, and that one day, when it’s my time, we’ll meet again in that same light.
A Bigger Story
These NDE stories have helped me see grief not as an ending, but as part of a much bigger story, one that began long before this life and continues beyond it.
They’ve softened my fear of death, deepened my gratitude for life, and reminded me that love is never lost. It only changes form.
We’re Just Here to Experience It All
When life took a turn I didn’t expect
Ten years ago, I was on maternity leave with my firstborn after several years of university studies. I had gone straight from my bachelor to my master to an internship (the internship while pregnant). I was a relatively young mother, and life hadn’t prepared me for this role. I had only been prepared to start my career, so I was lost as my life suddenly took a new turn.
Questioning everything
Motherhood made me question what I was going to do with my life. What was my passion? What kind of job could possibly feel more meaningful than caring for my child? Surely working a desk-job couldn’t be the meaning of my life?
The question that changed everything
This question quickly turned into a bigger one: What was the meaning of life?
My search for answers
I’ve been on a spiritual journey ever since, trying to figure this out. I’ve read lots of books on spirituality, some of my favorites being “The Untethered Soul,” “The Surrender Experiment,” and “Living Untethered” by Michael Singer, “A Return to Love” by Marianne Williamson, and “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle.
What the teachings showed me
All of these books teach about consciousness and that essentially, we’re here to experience life and work on not getting in life’s way. Becoming aware, practice mindfulness, and understand that there is a part of us that is eternal and connected to something larger than us, and that we are in fact all connected.
Getting out of my own way
We’re just here to experience life, and we do have some autonomy. We don’t have to be victims. We can start choosing love over fear and stop resisting.
We have to become aware of the fact that life sometimes bothers us and that if we can get out of our own way, we will start to enjoy life more.
Creating meaning along the way
I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I’m learning that we create our own meaning, and that we can help people at every stage of our life - even if it’s adding a sweet comment in an email to a client, or a compliment to a colleague.
My understanding (so far)
I think it’s important to ask the big questions. Do your research, find your own meaning. We might all get different answers, but don’t stop until you have one that makes sense to you.
So yeah, I think we’re just here to experience physicality and the whole spectrum. Lightness, darkness, pain, pleasure, suffering, relief, happiness, sadness, peace, grief, excitement, frustration and love.
Losing my mum
The past years have been some of the hardest of my life. My mum was very ill, and much of my time and energy went into caring for her. She passed away three weeks ago.
I’ve been grieving for a long time because I knew her illness was terminal and that our time together was limited. Since her passing I’ve been very sad but also in constant activity. I’ve been handling her finances, clearing out her two (!) homes, and planning her funeral. layout
I haven’t really had the space to slow down yet, but I know that part will come. You know, I have two kids, a full-time job and a dog as well. It’s been crazy.
The whole experience of slowly losing her over this long period has completely changed me. I have broken down and carefully put myself back together. Right before she passed away, I was actually in the strongest mental state that I’ve ever been in.
I know that I will be fine. I have the tools that helped me heal in the past, and I want to honor life by living it fully. I know that’s also what my mum would have wanted.
What got me on this healing journey was that I started asking myself big questions, like:
“What’s the meaning of life and what is it really about?”
“What happens after this life?”
“Why do we suffer?” (this was a big one for me because I have been in a suffering mindset for as long as I can remember, and boy have I suffered during my mum’s last years)
“Is there a God and why would He/She put humanity through so much hurt and suffering?”
“What does it even mean to heal?”
When you start asking questions like this, life opens up to you and you begin to find answers in unexpected ways. I’ve realized that we don’t all have to share the same beliefs because we each get to choose what feels true and helpful. I choose to believe the thoughts that bring me peace.
Losing my mum slowly over the years has deepened my understanding that there is a higher power, Source, the Universe, God. That life continues in another form after this one. That we all come from the same Source and return home when the party on Earth is over. That we constantly receive signs and messages from the other side.
That we shape our reality, and that what matters most about the challenges we face is what we tell ourselves about them. That we’ve chosen this life to evolve spiritually because we can’t really evolve in the heavens where all we experience is oneness and universal love.
Only when we experience separation or duality can we truly grow spiritually, and that’s what this 3D physical reality helps us do. That’s why we chose to come to Earth. We separate, and then we find our way home.
Facing the Fear: Why InnerDance and Energetic Healing Make Us Anxious
I’ve had several people reach out, expressing their fear of trying InnerDance. I’ve also noticed that some participants feel anxious in the days leading up to the workshop or on the day of the session.
I believe I attract these participants/we attract each other, because I can feel the same way when attending these types of sessions.
When I’m about to experience shamanic healing, plant medicine, Life Force activation, or InnerDance, I can even start feeling physically unwell. Things start going wrong, or I feel emotionally unstable, questioning whether I should even attend.
Some of us might be particularly sensitive to the energetic activation or shift that’s coming. It’s like everything get’s heightened and comes up to the surface, so it can be released. I believe it’s the soul helping us bring forth whatever it is we need to become aware of. The soul knows exactly why we do this type of work - to unpeel the layers that have attached to us, but the ego will feel threatened. It senses that we’re going to experience something new, venture into the unknown and it perceives this as a threat.
Breaking the Cycle: My Path to Higher Vibration and Self-Care
This summer, I found myself stuck in a rut. I’d pick myself up, only to fall back down, again and again. It’s natural to have ups and downs, just like inhaling and exhaling, the cycle of night and day, or the changing seasons. But when the balance tips too far, and you’re mostly stuck in the lows, it’s time to take action.
It took six long weeks of summer to understand that I needed a new routine, one that included time for self-care and personal growth.
When I began this new routine, I was in a pretty dark place mentally, and physically as well. I’ve been dealing with anemia, and it wasn’t until recently that I started to feel the effects of the iron supplements I’ve been taking. Let me just say, anemia is no joke. The exhaustion and brain fog it causes definitely contributed to my feeling stuck.
So here’s what my new routine looks like:
Morning Gratitude: Before I get out of bed, I do a quick body scan and thank my body for being healthy.
Midday Visualization: I take a walk before lunch and visualize the person I want to be. A fun way I’ve found to do this is by pretending I’m being interviewed on a podcast five years in the future, talking about all my accomplishments.
Breathwork and Affirmations: I follow Wim Hof’s 11-minute guided breathwork session and then listen to a 10-minute affirmation video.
Daily Reading and Visualization: I’m re-reading Napoleon Hill’s classic Think and Grow Rich and doing the visualization exercises twice a day.
Evening Gratitude: Before bed, I write down at least three things I’m grateful for.
This routine has been a game-changer for me. It’s helping me raise my frequency, maintain a more positive outlook, and reconnect with life in a way that feels balanced and uplifting.
Are you scared to try InnerDance?
I've had some people reach out, saying they're scared to try InnerDance.
I get this.
First, it’s important to recognize that it may not be the right time for you to attend a workshop, especially if you suffer from epilepsy, panic attacks, mania, psychosis, cardiovascular diseases, PTSD, have recently experienced trauma, or have undergone recent surgery. It is important to consider these factors for your safety and well-being.
It’s ok to wait for a better moment in time to do this type of energetic work, or to start by working on the level of the mind with therapy or journaling for e.g.
However, if nothing significant has happened recently and you feel curious yet scared to try, this fear can stem from various concerns. Here are some common ones:
Fear of Dark Entities
It's common to have visions during the InnerDance sound journey. I often sense spirit guides and angelic beings in the room. Taking a shamanic approach, I always ask my spirit guides and guardian angels for support, to help expand the energetic activation, and to protect all participants from any energies that don’t belong to them or serve them.
Just like I lock the door of the space I rent for the workshop, I also set boundaries in the spiritual realm to keep us safe.
As above, so below.
An InnerDance session can feel like we’re opening doors to a magical realm, but the truth is, the magical realm is always there. During a session, we are more open to this realm because we are resting in awareness and accessing different states of consciousness. InnerDance can feel like a wakeful dream or like being in a trance or deep meditative state.
We are still aware of time and space during the session, unlike when we sleep and lose all sense of who we are. InnerDance is no more dangerous than going to sleep each night; in fact, it’s safer if you fear dark entities since we remain aware during the session.
InnerDance can help resolve fears of dark entities, as the practice brings about non-dual awareness. We often perceive the world as dual, seeing light as separate from dark, good as separate from bad, feminine as separate from masculine, and humans as separate from animals and nature. Non-dual awareness helps us understand that we are all one and that what separates us is the perception of certain things as good and others as bad, which is an illusion.
As "A Course in Miracles" states:
“Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God.”
This quote highlights a profound truth, that our true essence, which is eternal and connected to the divine, cannot be harmed. Illusions, fears, and ego-driven concerns are not real and have no lasting existence. Contemplating this can help us understand that our true self is always safe and whole, leading us to inner peace.
You might be ignoring your intuition and not feeling ready to face your truth.
Maybe you’re scared to tune in, to listen to your body and your thoughts. You might feel a disconnect between your body, mind, and soul, aware that things are off. Perhaps it’s been a long time since you connected to your body because you've been caught up in thoughts about the future, regrets about the past, or frustration with the present. Maybe your thoughts are overwhelming, and you’ve been distracting yourself to stop the endless stream of thinking. You might be aware of what you are avoiding, such as a decision you need to make, but you keep pushing it into the future.
InnerDance heightens intuition, bringing awareness to things you’ve been avoiding within yourself. This could require you to take action or work on accepting things as they are. Moving towards action or acceptance can feel daunting and uncomfortable, and you may fear the consequences and discomfort that come with listening to your truth.
Maybe you’re scared to deeply feel your emotions. You might worry about crying, making noise, or screaming in a group setting.
I have processed a lot of grief through InnerDance by crying, screaming, and even laughing hysterically. Emotions can feel overwhelming, and there may be a fear that the facilitator or group won't be able to handle them. However, only you can handle your emotions. You have to learn how to feel and process them yourself. There are various tools, such as therapy, breathwork, EMDR, EFT tapping, mindfulness, and meditation, that can help you navigate your emotions.
The InnerDance setting, with loud music and an attentive facilitator, provides a perfect environment to help you feel safe enough to express yourself. There are few spaces available where we can fully express our emotions or scream at the top of our lungs. I recommend complementing InnerDance with talk therapy if you feel like you have a lot to process. I regularly talk to a therapist, and it helps me immensely.
Nonetheless, InnerDance doesn’t have to be a big somatic release. For many people, it’s a very still journey where they can connect to their inner being and hold themselves in loving awareness.
We all have layers that come off in stages, and InnerDance can only penetrate as deeply as you’ve evolved. The more you work on yourself, the deeper InnerDance can take you, but you will not receive more activation than you are ready for. InnerDance is here to help us transform and heal in a healthy and sustainable way, not to tear us down.
Following the Call: Hosting InnerDance Workshops Across Sweden
Since completing my facilitator training in April, I've felt an undeniable urge to host workshops. When I signed up for the training, I wasn't completely sure that this was going to be my path. I was certain the training would be transformative, but I didn’t want to force myself into becoming a facilitator afterward. I approached it more as a retreat, with the primary goal of healing.
The response to my last two workshops has been nothing short of incredible; both were nearly fully booked, and I’m amazed by the magnetic energy that draws both me and the participants together. Each time I follow my intuition to book a space, it turns out to be perfect, reinforcing my faith in divine guidance.
Many participants have joined my workshops without fully understanding why or what to expect from an InnerDance session. Yet, they feel the same energetic pull, trusting their intuition to guide them.
There are a growing number of InnerDance facilitators in Sweden, with a higher concentration in Stockholm, and even more Life Force Activation facilitators. This variety offers participants the freedom to choose facilitators they resonate with.
I feel particularly called to host workshops in my home region of Sörmland, as well as in neighboring regions like Stockholm, Östergötland, Örebro, Västmanland, and Dalarna.
Being one of the few people of color facilitating this type of work in Sweden, I also understand the importance of representation. It's heartening to contribute to a space where people of color have more options for their wellness and healing journeys.
We Are All Afraid
Yesterday I uploaded an Instagram Reel titled, “5 Things I Wish I Knew Sooner...” but I feel that Instagram is limited when it comes to diving deeper into specific topics. It’s more of an attention-grabbing app where you maybe get a taste of something, but not the whole bite.
One of the things that I wish I had understood sooner was that we often make the mistake of thinking others aren’t as afraid as we are, and this holds us back. Truth is, most of us are afraid, we’re just doing it anyway.
I want to delve deeper into how I have been working with my own fears and how that is transforming my life. I want to be completely transparent, because to be honest, I didn’t overcome the bulk of my fears by meditation, Reiki, or journaling. Maybe that works for some, but I had to bring in stronger methods to get the job done. My fears were a form of self-sabotage, and eventually, it got so painful because I was limiting myself in so many ways. I created a box around myself with so many rules, and it kept getting tighter and tighter in there. At the same time, I had all these dreams and desires but no way of moving towards them with the mindset I was in.
Most times, transformation happens when we reach our lowest points and can’t stand ourselves anymore. I got there and had to do something about it.
My fear was so deeply rooted, and the thing I feared most was being judged by others.
One of the most transformative things I have done to work through my fears is sitting with Ayahuasca. These ceremonies are life-changing, and Mother Ayahuasca has helped me purge years of trauma in a matter of a couple of nights. I have felt renewed after my ceremonies and have been able to move from stuckness to taking action. For example, after my first retreat, I finally started a YouTube channel that I had been putting off for seven years! I was nervous when I uploaded my first video, but I wasn’t scared of putting myself out there.
I am not advising anyone to do plant medicine. Actually, I’m a little bit apprehensive even writing it here in a public blog post for several reasons that I’ll address at a later point. Plant medicine is a highly individual decision. It is a sacred medicine, and one has to feel called to do it. My experiences with Ayahuasca have been really tough, and it’s not simple at all to integrate all the visions and learnings. I received so much wisdom and saw so many things that I’m still trying to understand now, two years later. But I think that’s why I love InnerDance, because to me, it feels like a psychedelic experience, but it’s completely legal to practice here in Sweden. InnerDance has helped me continue working with my fear of being seen.
Going for regular InnerDance workshops and facilitating them is turning out to be just as transformative as my plant medicine experiences (although nothing can quite compare to the trip Mother Ayahuasca takes you on).
I am very keen on integrating all my plant medicine and InnerDance experiences. It’s almost pointless to just go for workshops or ceremonies if you’re not going to work with your newfound insights.
Integration is key!
Four Questions
I journal a lot and regularly practice self-inquiry. I find Byron Katies Four Questions very helpful for working with fear:
Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move to question 3.)
Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)
How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
Who or what would you be without the thought?
Fear-setting
I’ve also done Tim Ferriss' Fear-Setting exercise on several occasions, and I find that this exercise usually catapults me into taking action. You can learn more about it here.
Create a list
Two years ago, I had a coach who helped me develop an exercise that was very helpful. Since I was so scared of being judged by others, she told me to list all the people who I thought would judge me.
My list included:
Colleagues
Parents of my kids' friends
Friends of my kids (I was afraid my kids would get bullied)
Neighbours
Relatives
Old acquaintances
A girl I had studied with at university years ago
My list was long, and I realized that the majority of the people on there had absolutely nothing to do with my life. They literally wouldn’t care what I did with my life.
It was an eye-opening exercise because the list became so long, and I realized that I couldn’t let this fictive idea—that all these people were going to judge me—hinder me from following my dreams. Even if it were true that they would judge me, why would I let that fear run my life?
To sum it up, facing our fears is an ongoing process. I’m not saying I’ve mastered it all, but I’m constantly reminding myself and doing the work. These experiences and exercises have made a significant difference in my journey, and I hope they can help you too.
Why I Chose InnerDance: A Facilitator's Experience
Please bear in mind that these are my personal opinions. I have never been in contact with Pi Villaraza directly. My InnerDance teacher attended his training a couple of years ago.
A lot of people have experienced Kundalini Activation Process (KAP) or Life Force Activation (LFA). However, InnerDance is less well-known, at least here in Sweden. I've noticed participants coming to my workshops without realizing that InnerDance offers similar energetic work.
InnerDance has been around since the early 2000s when Pi Villaraza created this modality. It has evolved and rebranded under different names over the years. You can read an interview with Pi on how he discovered InnerDance here.
What drew me to InnerDance is its openness and the belief that this energy belongs to us all. I haven’t experienced any hierarchies or rigid rules. I’m not even part of any InnerDance organization, because that’s how open it is. This energy belongs to everyone.
I actually wanted to apply to be a KAP facilitator 1.5 years ago, but one of the conditions was that the training was intended for people wishing to work exclusively with KAP as a healing modality, without combining it with other energy practices. I felt that I didn’t want to abandon Reiki, and as a curious soul, I wasn't prepared to commit to just one energetic modality to fit into the brand. In hindsight, I’m glad I didn’t go for that training because just as I was embarking on my InnerDance facilitator training, most Swedish facilitators chose to leave the KAP brand and adopt LFA as an umbrella term.
I’ve also been a bit apprehensive about the use of the word “Kundalini.” It makes it seem as if the facilitators are awakening or activating the Kundalini at the base of the spine during a session. I don’t believe this to be the case. InnerDance is the activation of universal life force energy, not Kundalini. Despite being immersed in this energy for hours, I don’t believe I have had a Kundalini awakening.
Of course, a Kundalini awakening can occur. It can happen to anyone, but it’s not what is occurring during an InnerDance workshop. The movements that some participants experience are a form of somatic release. It’s just energy being moved through the body, and when we surrender, our bodies are actually moved by this energy.
Discovering My Path as an InnerDance Facilitator
During my last InnerDance workshop, a participant asked me how long I’ve been doing this work. When I casually replied, “Since April-May,” she looked at me, puzzled, and asked, “You mean this year?” I understand her confusion. It feels like I’ve been doing this work for lifetimes—perhaps I have.
Facilitating InnerDance is an intuitive experience for me. I don’t question it; I simply move with the energy and follow where it leads. Sometimes I have inner visions of where to place my hands on a participant, or I feel called to move closer to someone. This intuitive flow guides my every action.
Since my training with Simona Siclari in April, I have hosted six workshops and facilitated one private session in Sweden. Each session has been a profound journey, both for me and the participants.
Even the process of booking workshop spaces feels guided by a greater force. Every step of this journey has reaffirmed my belief that I am on the right path, doing work that resonates deeply with my soul.