We Are All Afraid
Yesterday I uploaded an Instagram Reel titled, “5 Things I Wish I Knew Sooner...” but I feel that Instagram is limited when it comes to diving deeper into specific topics. It’s more of an attention-grabbing app where you maybe get a taste of something, but not the whole bite.
One of the things that I wish I had understood sooner was that we often make the mistake of thinking others aren’t as afraid as we are, and this holds us back. Truth is, most of us are afraid, we’re just doing it anyway.
I want to delve deeper into how I have been working with my own fears and how that is transforming my life. I want to be completely transparent, because to be honest, I didn’t overcome the bulk of my fears by meditation, Reiki, or journaling. Maybe that works for some, but I had to bring in stronger methods to get the job done. My fears were a form of self-sabotage, and eventually, it got so painful because I was limiting myself in so many ways. I created a box around myself with so many rules, and it kept getting tighter and tighter in there. At the same time, I had all these dreams and desires but no way of moving towards them with the mindset I was in.
Most times, transformation happens when we reach our lowest points and can’t stand ourselves anymore. I got there and had to do something about it.
My fear was so deeply rooted, and the thing I feared most was being judged by others.
One of the most transformative things I have done to work through my fears is sitting with Ayahuasca. These ceremonies are life-changing, and Mother Ayahuasca has helped me purge years of trauma in a matter of a couple of nights. I have felt renewed after my ceremonies and have been able to move from stuckness to taking action. For example, after my first retreat, I finally started a YouTube channel that I had been putting off for seven years! I was nervous when I uploaded my first video, but I wasn’t scared of putting myself out there.
I am not advising anyone to do plant medicine. Actually, I’m a little bit apprehensive even writing it here in a public blog post for several reasons that I’ll address at a later point. Plant medicine is a highly individual decision. It is a sacred medicine, and one has to feel called to do it. My experiences with Ayahuasca have been really tough, and it’s not simple at all to integrate all the visions and learnings. I received so much wisdom and saw so many things that I’m still trying to understand now, two years later. But I think that’s why I love InnerDance, because to me, it feels like a psychedelic experience, but it’s completely legal to practice here in Sweden. InnerDance has helped me continue working with my fear of being seen.
Going for regular InnerDance workshops and facilitating them is turning out to be just as transformative as my plant medicine experiences (although nothing can quite compare to the trip Mother Ayahuasca takes you on).
I am very keen on integrating all my plant medicine and InnerDance experiences. It’s almost pointless to just go for workshops or ceremonies if you’re not going to work with your newfound insights.
Integration is key!
Four Questions
I journal a lot and regularly practice self-inquiry. I find Byron Katies Four Questions very helpful for working with fear:
Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move to question 3.)
Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)
How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
Who or what would you be without the thought?
Fear-setting
I’ve also done Tim Ferriss' Fear-Setting exercise on several occasions, and I find that this exercise usually catapults me into taking action. You can learn more about it here.
Create a list
Two years ago, I had a coach who helped me develop an exercise that was very helpful. Since I was so scared of being judged by others, she told me to list all the people who I thought would judge me.
My list included:
Colleagues
Parents of my kids' friends
Friends of my kids (I was afraid my kids would get bullied)
Neighbours
Relatives
Old acquaintances
A girl I had studied with at university years ago
My list was long, and I realized that the majority of the people on there had absolutely nothing to do with my life. They literally wouldn’t care what I did with my life.
It was an eye-opening exercise because the list became so long, and I realized that I couldn’t let this fictive idea—that all these people were going to judge me—hinder me from following my dreams. Even if it were true that they would judge me, why would I let that fear run my life?
To sum it up, facing our fears is an ongoing process. I’m not saying I’ve mastered it all, but I’m constantly reminding myself and doing the work. These experiences and exercises have made a significant difference in my journey, and I hope they can help you too.
